According to our capitalist overlords,... by Jamie Peck

According to our capitalist overlords, you're broke because you eat lunch

Jamie Peck Thu 9 May 2019 15.00 BST

In an article published in USA Today, the newspaper claimed that Americans are indulging in too many ‘nonessential’ expenditures ... like having a midday meal

We live in what feels like permanently lean times. Forty-two per cent of American adults are at risk of retiring broke, a whopping 60% don’t have enough money saved to cover a $1,000 expense and the majority don’t expect their lot to improve in 2019. But fret no more, for the Nobel-worthy economists at LadderLife.com (“we make life insurance simple”) have figured out what’s holding you back from getting ahead, saving for retirement and taking out a lavish life insurance policy: lunch.

According to a study commissioned by the altruistic insurance website and reported by USA Today, the average American spends nearly $1,500 a month on “nonessential items” such as takeout or delivery, gym memberships, rideshares and “buying lunch”. So, food, exercise, transportation and ... um, food. Also on the chopping block: personal grooming (because hiring managers love an unkempt dirtbag), bottled water (think of your thirst as God’s way of punishing you for your poor financial planning) and TV or movie streaming services (forget “Netflix and chill”, it’s time for “stare at the wall and drool”). But who has time to watch movies anyway when you get up at 4am to walk to work because they defunded public transit in your area? Oh well, at least that takes care of exercise. Meeting a friend for drinks or coffee? Whatever you say, Warren Buffett.

Concludes Ladder cofounder Laura Hale said: “Trading off a couple of smaller short-term purchases per month can support a monthly policy payment. It can give you the longer-term satisfaction that comes from making sure your family is protected.” By “family”, I assume she means whatever pets you’re allowed to keep in the pods we will all soon live in, because those are the only kids a person with your budget and grooming habits is having. (Then again, maybe I shouldn’t underestimate the erotic potential of “stare at the wall and drool”.)

While this is obviously well-funded PR designed to shame you into buying insurance from LadderLife.com, legitimate outlets such as USA Today are uncritically presenting “the tendency to splurge consistently on nonessentials” as what’s “causing Americans to neglect their near-term savings” and “skimp on other important items” like – Jesus Christ – “life insurance”. (I hope the paper at least got some money for this.) The embedded ideological message: if you’re broke, it’s your own fault, so suck it up, make some air sandwiches, and whatever you do, don’t blame the system. Bootstraps! John Wayne! Horatio Alger!

(...)

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/09/capitalist-overlords-lunch-usa-today

Courtesy of Guardian News & Media Ltd.

VOCABULARY

Lean: Adjective. If you describe an organization as lean, you mean that it has become more efficient and less wasteful by getting rid of staff, or by dropping projects which were unprofitable.

Retiring broke: Retirement is the time when a worker retires. If you are broke, you have no money.

Whopping: If you describe an amount as whopping, you are emphasizing that it is large. If you refer to something as a whopper, you mean that it is an unusually large example of the thing mentioned. Synonyms of whopper: giant, monster, jumbo [informal], mammoth.

Note this adjective only has one ‘o’ and two ‘p’. If you use two ‘o’ and one ‘p’ you have a swan (Cygnus Cygnus).

Fret: Verb. If you fret about something, you worry about it.

Figure out: Phrasal verb. If you figure out a solution to a problem or the reason for something, you succeed in solving it or understanding it.

Holding you back from getting ahead: (lo que te impide avanzar)

Lavish: Adjective. Prolific, abundant, or profuse

Takeout: USA. A takeout is a store or restaurant which sells hot cooked food that you eat somewhere else. In BRIT, use takeaway

Rideshares: Ridesharing is the practice of sharing a car with other commuters as a means of lessening traffic congestion or pollution

Buying lunch: It’s the opposite to bring your own lunch to work. I don’t see the difference between takeout and buying lunch…

Chopping block: A thick wooden board used for chopping vegetables, meat etc on. The Spanish translation would be “en el tajo”.

Personal grooming: Grooming refers to the things that people do to keep themselves clean and make their face, hair, and skin look nice.

Unkempt dirtbag: If you describe something or someone as unkempt, you mean that they are untidy, and not looked after carefully or kept neat. A dirtbag is a filthy or disreputable person

Netflix and chill: Netflix and chill is how you end up with chill-dren. Code for two people going to each others houses and fucking or doing other sexual related acts:

Brad: "Hey Julia wanna come over and watch Netflix and chill"

Julia: "Sure I'll pick up the condoms"

Brad: "Wait I thought we were just gonna watch Netflix and chill?"

Julia: "Netflix and Chill means we fuck, dumbass"

Drool: If a person or animal drools, saliva drops slowly from their mouth.

Defund: To remove the funds from (a person, organization, or scheme)

Trade off: Phrasal verb. If you trade off one thing against another, you exchange all or part of one thing for another, as part of a negotiation or compromise.

Pod: A pod is a seed container that grows on plants such as peas or beans. In this case is talking about the place where you live.

PR: Public relations

Outlet: 1. countable noun. An outlet is a shop or organization which sells the goods made by a particular manufacturer. Synonyms: shop, store, supermarket, market,…

2. countable noun. An outlet or an outlet store is a place which sells slightly damaged or outdated goods from a particular manufacturer, or goods that it made in greater quantities than needed.

In this case is a synonym of organizations.

Splurge | splɜːʳdʒ |: If you splurge on something, you spend a lot of money, usually on things that you do not need.

The paper: In this case, it references to the newspaper.

Suck it up: (Informal) To accept an unpleasant fact or situation

Bootstraps: To improve your situation by your own efforts, without help from anyone else

Horatio Alger (1832-1899): Was an American writer of young adult novels about impoverished boys and their rise from humble backgrounds to lives of middle-class security and comfort through hard work, determination, courage, and honesty. His writings were characterized by the "rags-to-riches" narrative, which had a formative effect on the United States during the Gilded Age.

Onus for hardship: Onus is the load, the charge. Hardship is a trouble.

Stagnant wages: “Salarios estancados”

Increasing reliance on rising rents: “Creciente confianza en el aumento de las rentas”